Over the last month...

Well where do I even begin?!  A lot has gone on over the last month.  Just getting into the new routine of the school year, sleep schedules, etc. has been quite the adjustment!

I've been 3 weeks on a paleo cleanse and feel great!  I haven't had a migraine for weeks and have managed to lose a few pounds too!  And eating clean isn't that hard, but it is definitely pricey!

 We had an "incident" at Wesley's school which made us feel most comfortable pulling him out for the time being while some things are ironed out.  It is an extremely long story, but the way short version is that Wesley was left in the nurse's office with a fever for several hours without me getting a phone call.  The nurse "forgot" to call me.  We had had a detailed conversation about the importance of her calling me in several situations  ESPECIALLY if Wes had a fever.  That along with a plethora of other things  has caused us to question whether we should even send him back there.  They have made it clear they are willing to work with us to make us comfortable sending him back, but we will see...  

We celebrated my Dad's birthday and it still makes me so happy that my whole family is all living so close to one another!  Love that we can all get together and all of Stewart cousins are able to play on a regular basis!

Cason started walking a few days ago!  Praise GOD!  He has defied all odds!  He is truly a miracle child and we adore him beyond words and are so incredibly proud of his accomplishments!

He went from a few steps to literally 2 hours later, walking across the room.  Then, the next day, we has walking about 50% of the time, the day after that probably 75% of the time and now today he has even begun pulling himself up from sitting without having to use furniture to stand.  He is now walking about 90% of the time.

He.Is.Incredible.

Football season has begun!!!!

GO HAWKEYES!!!!

We had tickets to the first game and it never gets old being in Iowa City, surrounded by fellow Hawkeye fans and watching the Hawks come in to some AC/DC.  I love me some Kinnick Stadium!

We bleed black and gold! 

Kinnick Stadium is one of my favorite places to be!

Hoping we'll get to be there with the DeCook's on September 21st for my birthday...oh, and maybe they'll pull out a win that day! :)

And the girl with me pictured above?  That's Jamie...she and I met 1/7/08 (yup, I remember the exact date...did you know that, Jamie?!).  Anyway, she and I have taken our relationship to the next level and have become business partners!  She is an incredibly talented photographer and we are joining forces on something we are super excited to announce in a couple of weeks!

I was planning on getting better at keeping my blog updated once school was back in session, but with Wesley returning home for these last couple of weeks, that didn't work out as planned.  So hopefully soon I will be getting better!  Geesh...it's been a long time!

It was a hard decision...

I made the call today to let Family Resources know that we will not be renewing our foster license.  It was an incredibly hard decision that I am still a little sick about.  I mean, there is such an unbelievable need for good foster families and we believe we were a good foster family.  We have room in our home and are passionate about foster care.  However, we have to make our family our priority.  We had to think long and hard and had to KNOW that this was the right decision before making it final.  We have gone back and forth so much and prayed about it for so long.  Every time we thought we could do it and possibly take on more children, something would happen...I believe it was God reminding us that or hands are full, that we need to focus on what we have and remember that there is a point when our kids could starve for the necessary attention and care they need if we took on another child or children.  We can love more kids, we can house more kids.  We shouldn't.  We have a LONG road ahead of us in dealing with the needs of all of our children...a lifelong journey.  There will be much time in therapies and time in the hospital and time possibly spent with Wesley getting dialysis or getting another transplant.  Who knows how far Cason will go developmentally and what care he will need from us as he grows.  And Tate's life was turned upside down when we adopted 2 children with extensive special needs at the same time.  He has his own struggles and needs that we battle just like with any child.

We have an incredible village who loves us and our boys and helps us and has picked up our slack while we have spent time caring for them.  We will need these family and friends forever...we couldn't do this without their help.  So taking on more children would effect more than just us...it would effect our loved ones who help us.  We want to be the best for our kids...we want them to have all of the opportunities and love and attention and time from us as possible.  We just feel like we're at our limit.  We can do all that now.  We feel if we took on any more children, we couldn't.

ALL 3 of our boys have very specific needs that require so much time, attention and energy.  It is our life and I love it and most of the time, it's not terribly overwhelming, but sometimes it all comes at the same time and I feel like I can't address each of their needs all at once.  I get overwhelmed and emotional and feel like a failure.  I can't imagine adding to that.  Though those times aren't too terribly frequent, I get upset with myself for not being at my best ALL the time for them and for Sean.

Our hearts are full...so incredibly full.  We can't imagine not having these boys, we know that God has blessed us beyond measure.  We want only the best for our boys and our family.  It's been a rocky road these 2 years since becoming a foster family.  It's been full of ups and downs and we've dealt with so much we never ever dreamed we would ever have to.  Our eyes have been opened to a whole knew world with the adoption of all 3 of these boys.  So though it was a hard decision, it is a decision that we know is right.

Who knows what the future holds for us as the years go by.  We have learned that our life certainly doesn't go as we have always planned, so we won't say what is to come, but for now...we are content with our family just as it is!

Are you?  Have you considered becoming a foster family?  Do you have room in your hearts and homes and time to love a child?  Please do not hesitate to contact me, I would be so happy to answer ANY questions you have...even if you are just considering it or this post has made you think it could be a possibility.  Less than 3 years ago, I would have never dreamed we would ever do foster care, but in talking with other foster parents, I learned so much I didn't know, I learned that I could do this, that it wasn't what I thought...and it gave me this incredible family.  There is SUCH a need...please let me know if you are considering it, I would love to answer your questions!

My 1st Grader and Preschooler: 1st day of school!!!

Today was the day!  We were all ready!

Tate and Wesley had a great morning and went off to school with huge smiles on their faces!

I thought I would be full of ONLY JOY, but I must admit...I got a little teary eyed.  I mean, they're just getting so big...and we are so blessed by these boys!

He just looks so grown up to me!  And the high tops...oh my, they are so him!

1st Grade!

Wes has grown up so much since his 1st day of preschool last year too!

And he wants to be JUST like his big brother...hence the 1 held up for 1st grade! Ha!

And I must say, the backpack suits Wes!

This picture makes my heart want to burst!  I mean, I said, "let's get a picture together" and Tate went right over and put his arm around Wes.  This is a big deal, people.  They don't exactly get along swimmingly.  This morning, they were both so excited that they didn't bicker once!

My crazy Wes!  Watch out preschool...he is a HAND FULL!  Love him!

LOVE THIS BOY!!!

There is a new bus service this year.  Wes was not nervous at all!  He was SO EXCITED to get on that bus!

I walked Tate up to his class this morning.  He showed no nerves.  I was pleased and a little surprised by this!  It helps that he has this familiar face in his class.  Love that he and Kiley are going to be in the same class this year!  They were both so adorable this morning...and this is when I felt like I wanted to cry...

So proud of my boys.  They are both SO DIFFERENT and have such different strengths in school.  I am praying it is a great year for the both of them!

Head Shots

I have a business project in the works and it was that dreaded time when I needed to get some head shots to use for it.  I was quickly reminded of a few things...

1.  I am a photographer for many reasons...one of which is that I love being BEHIND the camera, not in front of it!

2.  More is not always better...in the chins category at least.  I.must.go.on.a.diet.

3.  Seeing pictures of myself makes me cringe.  Ugh.

4.  I need to pencil my brows in with this dark of hair (thanks for the tip, mom...I did it before these pictures)

5.  Sean is a good person to take my picture (he took these) because I laugh a lot when I see him behind the camera. :)

6.  I need eye cream STAT!  I have bad eye wrinkles!

Out of 48 pictures taken in about 90 seconds, I managed to find these 3 the most acceptable.

And even sitting here right now looking at these, I am thinking, "should I delete this post full of pictures of MYSELF?"  It's weird.  I just don't hardly ever have pictures of myself on here, so I thought I would go out of my comfort zone.

Sean did a pretty job on these pictures, but unfortunately, where these pictures will be posted will be right next to my younger, thing, beautiful, 1 chinned colleague. ;)

Can't wait to share the details of the "business project" these pictures were taken for!    

some thoughts as summer wraps up...

I can't believe we only have 1 full week left until school starts!  We are doing our best to soak up as much of the summer as we can before it's over...and also trying to check off several of the last items from our Summer List!

Have you seen this picture floating around online?

I saw it a couple of weeks ago and then was reminded of it again today by my chiropractor telling me about having seen it.

It makes me laugh out loud!  I love it.  I NEVER in a million years (not even 2 months ago) thought I would feel this way at the beginning of the school year.  I was wrong.  I am SO READY!  The kids are ready too!  This summer has been so overwhelming and busy and I have had a terrible routine and feel like it's been ALL fun, not a lot of productivity.  Now this is good for a while, but I am ready to have some productivity along with some fall fun! :)

And I have been terrible at blogging...terrible.  I love having this outlet to get my thoughts and feelings onto digital "paper", but I just haven't had time!  Hoping that will all change in the coming weeks.  There has been so much to document this summer and so little time to document it.  Facebook turned into my outlet...it was just so much quicker and easier.

Business at Jennie Peakin Photoraphy has been HOPPIN' and I have a business project I have been working on for the last few months that I will soon be sharing about.  Exciting stuff, but takes up a lot of time.

I feel as though my life is a dream sometimes though.  Don't get me wrong, it is HARD and I don't always feel that way.  Dealing with all of the needs of my boys and running a business and trying to keep a home (this is what tends to slack the most...sorry Sean!) all the while trying to have family fun and time spent with Sean and friends without the kids in an effort to be able to take a deep breath...well, it's exhausting.  However, it's amazing how much I love every minute of this life.  I can't believe that my dream to become a photographer has become a reality...that my dream to be a mommy has become a reality 3 fold and to the most unbelievable blessings I could have imagined.  I have a husband who loves me whether I showered that day or not or whether the house is spic and span or not.  I have a home that though it is NOT fancy at all, I STILL wake up each morning and can't believe it's our home.  I love so much about our home, our neighborhood, our deep friendships we've built and our family so close by!  I stress and worry and complain...all.the.time.  I do.  I fail daily...multiple times.  God's grace is amazing and never ending and is why I am able to go on.

The good times and the hard times of life are very literally like peaks and valleys.  When you're in a valley, it seems like that peak is just so far away...you'll never get there, the climb is too steep, too rocky, you don't have the energy.  You can't see any peaks before or after it, you can barely see the peaks you're in between...the valley is just so deep.  Then your friends and family throw you a rope (or sometimes just pick you up in their helicopters!) and carry you, pull you, drag you up. Once you are on that peak and look down at that valley, it seems so small, so much less scary than when you were in it...it is so far away.  Then you look ahead and see the next peek and it's so close.  You feel like if you get a good running start, you could just jump to it.  If you look behind you, you can see the valley you just came out of, but all you can see before that are all of the peaks all the way in the distance...they cover up all of the valleys before it.  It's so much easier to see the peaks of your life when you're standing right on one.

I've fallen into so many valleys...sometimes daily!  I can't imagine how much harder my life would be and how much more exhausted I would be without my amazing family and friends there to pull me out of those dark places.  I am blessed and from the peak that I am on right now...I can see it so clearly. :)

Tate and Brandon

On the heels of a fantastic evening with Tate's birth father, I feel the need to get some thoughts down on "paper".

We have gotten together with Brandon at least 2 or 3 times a year since Tate was born.  It never gets old, we look forward to these times...in fact, each time we get together with him, we feel like we want to do it more often!  And as Tate gets older and is starting to really understand his adoption, he wants to get together with Brandon more as well.

This blessing is like nothing we ever knew was possible...the feeling of seeing these 2 together, like no feeling I ever expected or ever knew existed.  It's hard to put into words really.  It's like the clearest picture of God's work to me.  To see someone love your child JUST as much as you and your husband do...a father's love, from 2 men.  Wow...it's amazing.  

And those of you who know Tate know that he isn't quick to snuggle up or love on someone before a bit of warming up and sometimes even then, he keeps his distance.  Not with Brandon.  It's NEVER been that way with Brandon.  Aside from Sean and I, Brandon is the only other person that Tate needs no warming up with.  He leaps into his arms the minute he sees him and doesn't leave his side.  Their bond is SO evident to anyone who witnesses them with one another.  It's natural...no matter how much time passes between their times spent together, it never goes away.

I will never forget the 1st time we got together with Brandon after we adopted Tate.  It was when Tate was 2 1/2 months old.  Whenever Tate would hear Brandon's voice, he would lift his head up and look right at Brandon.  He followed his voice and his face the entire time.  It was like he recognized his voice!  It was so cool to see!

 And that comfort level between them has only grown with time.  And now that Tate is getting older and understanding adoption and HIS adoption in particular, he recognizes how special these times are.  He loves every second of the time he gets to spend with his "birth daddy" as he calls him. :)  He said last night, "Brandon is so fun, he's my crazy birth daddy...he's so crazy.  I'm kinda crazy sometimes too, just like Brandon!" :)

 And it's so cool to see how alike they are!  Their mannerisms and expressions.  It's clear they are father and son!

Having Brandon in our lives makes EVERYTHING make more sense, makes me love more, makes me feel much more blessed than if he weren't in our lives.  It makes me love Sean more.  To see Sean genuinely feel the same joy as I do when seeing Brandon with Tate makes my heart so full.  Sean feels the exact same way for Brandon as I do...he understands wholeheartedly the importance of Brandon's presence in our lives and he genuinely loves Brandon too.  Sean is not threatened by Brandon's role in our family, he is happy that he is a part of it.  Sean enjoys spending time with Brandon, they get along, they have many similarities as well!  Including a BIRTHDAY!  Crazy that Tate's birth father and Daddy have the SAME birthday, huh?! :)  Awesome.

Brandon has been amazing to us since the moment we met him.  He has respected our role as Tate's Mommy and Daddy 150%.  These are things that people have asked us...that people wonder.  We feel nothing but complete gratitude towards Brandon.  We know that God orchestrated every bit of this story and He continues to reveal to us His glory through our ongoing relationship with Brandon.

And not only did he very literally hand over his son to us, he continues to love on him and spoil him and thank US every chance he gets.

He loves Tate...Tate is his son and he is Tate's father.  And not only did we gain a son through this adoption, we gained Brandon...and we cannot imagine our life without him in it.

And this picture...oh my.  I can't hardly even look at it.  Adoption is bittersweet...with what we gained, there was tremendous loss.  And though we thank God every moment for our Tater Tot, our hearts still ache for Brandon and Maggie.  The magnitude of what they willingly gave us is insurmountable.  It is something we will never be able to repay them for.

  

Lots of photo sessions...

It's been a BUSY, but fun last week of photo sessions.  I am getting really busy!

I still have to pinch myself that this is my "job".  I mean, I get paid to take pictures...crazy.

I've has a cake smash session...

2 adorable sisters...

a super fun maternity session...

and an awesome group of children!

School starts for the boys 2 weeks from Monday!  This has been the fastest summer EVER!  Part of me is ready for the kids to go back and get back into a routine and the other part of me is going to miss them and struggle with being tied down to a routine and schedule.  I should probably start working on getting the boys to bed earlier here soon...we've gotten into a BAD habit of late nights and sleeping in every morning!

I will also be soaking up my time with Cason being home while I can.  He starts school in January!!!  Ugh.  The thought of that gets me a bit dizzy and nauseous.

The next 2 weeks will be NUTS as we are packing a lot in!  Tate and I have our "back to school date" planned where we go to dinner just him and I and get his school supplies and he is so excited.  We are going to be spending a night in a hotel and getting together with Brandon (Tate's birth father) so he and Tate can swim and spend time together before the chaos of school begins.  We are making a trip to visit Knutsons and see their new home, we hope to fit in several of the last things on our summer list.  I have the 2nd annual Stewart Girls Shopping Day with my mom, Cassie and Brenda so we can get the clothes our kids and we need for the school year...and we might have a fun dinner and drinks as well. ;)  Last year was SO FUN that we decided to make it a tradition!

In addition to all that, I just have life.  Labs for Wes, photo shoots, appointments galore...the usual.  Today we head out for the weekend to remember my Grandpa and say our final goodbyes at his memorial.

Hope you all have had a wonderful summer and enjoy every last minute of it before we blink and it's over!

2 weeks?!

Yikes...it's been WAY too long since I posted anything on my blog!  I have been so busy with so much.  I can't believe that the summer is coming to an end!  I am not ready to send the kids back to school! :(

More later...

Love him!

Watch "Tate singing" on YouTube

Checking things off the list...

What have we been up to lately? Just getting stuff checked off of the summer list!  We are trying to soak up summer while we can.  The heat has finally seemed to arrive!

 

Tate has become a fish!  One day he was swimming with floaties and the next day he was swimming on his own!  We went swimming yesterday and he didn't wear his floaties once and swam all over the place!

 

Wesley loves the water too!  And Cason could be in the pool for hours!

I would say we need to put a pool in at our house. ;)

We hiked Wild Cat Den...love that place and love these boys!

We did sparklers on the 3rd with DeCooks...

 

Cason watched. :)

Wesley and Chloe...oh my!

And we watched the Red White and Boom fireworks from the rooftop of a condo with the DeCooks.  Awesome view!

On the 4th, we spent the day in Muscatine swimming and hanging out with family.
We celebrated Brigg and Bode's 12th and 8th birthdays on the patio at Elly's while we ate pizza and waited for the fireworks show.

 

Again, we had an amazing view!

And in between all of that, I have had some fun photo shoots in the last couple of weeks!

 

 

 

 We still have a lot of stuff to check off of our Summer List...better go get to it! :)