These few days before Tate's birthday each year, I tend to do a lot of looking back. I just cannot ever seem to get over that we didn't even know about Tate until the day after he was born! So, 4 years ago today, we were "waiting". We had no idea that our baby was already overdue (he was a week late). I am not going to lie, I think about that first day of his life that we did not even know about him (and the second day when we knew about him, but had yet to meet him)...about all that we missed. Many times, those thoughts make me sad. I wish that I had not missed a second of his life. However, he was in extremely good hands and felt the love of his first mommy and daddy as well as his grandparents during those first 48 hours until we got to meet him and we are SO THANKFUL for that.
There just aren't words that I can come up with to describe my gratitude for Tate's birth family. They gave him (and STILL do!) all that he needed and more while Maggie was carrying him and also while they were in the hospital after he was born. They love him beyond words and soaked up that time they had before we came into his life. As I've mentioned before, Maggie nursed him. She didn't have to do that, but she knew it was what was best for him and she wanted the best for him, no matter how much harder it would make it to place him in the care of 2 strangers. Brandon stayed with Tate until the very last moment in the hospital and then came to see us off when we left the adoption agency with his heart riding away in the car of someone else...by far the hardest moment of my (and likely his) life.
We made a promise to Brandon and Maggie. We promised that this was not goodbye. We couldn't have made a better promise for the sake of all of us! And though it took 3 1/2 years, even Maggie has become a physical part of our lives...although she has always been a part of our lives even before we knew her. Brandon has been there from the beginning. Our first meeting (following Tate being born) with him was 2 1/2 months after the day we took Tate home and he has been nothing short of amazing for 4 years.
We. Are. Blessed.
And those words aren't enough.
This is not how we planned to grow our family when we met and got married. This is not how we imagined we would be blessed with a child. This is more than we imagined. It has changed us, changed our hearts forever. For us, we have been blessed by the way God chose for us to grow our family more than if we had been in control and chosen to do it "our way". I've said it time and time again that I am not in control of my life and I am so happy that I am not. If I had been in control of my life, I wouldn't have Tate. I wouldn't have my whole heart, which is what he is.
He is my heart.
The mere thought of him makes my heart physically feel like it could burst. I love him so much it hurts.
I can't believe it's been almost 4 years!
There just aren't words that I can come up with to describe my gratitude for Tate's birth family. They gave him (and STILL do!) all that he needed and more while Maggie was carrying him and also while they were in the hospital after he was born. They love him beyond words and soaked up that time they had before we came into his life. As I've mentioned before, Maggie nursed him. She didn't have to do that, but she knew it was what was best for him and she wanted the best for him, no matter how much harder it would make it to place him in the care of 2 strangers. Brandon stayed with Tate until the very last moment in the hospital and then came to see us off when we left the adoption agency with his heart riding away in the car of someone else...by far the hardest moment of my (and likely his) life.
We made a promise to Brandon and Maggie. We promised that this was not goodbye. We couldn't have made a better promise for the sake of all of us! And though it took 3 1/2 years, even Maggie has become a physical part of our lives...although she has always been a part of our lives even before we knew her. Brandon has been there from the beginning. Our first meeting (following Tate being born) with him was 2 1/2 months after the day we took Tate home and he has been nothing short of amazing for 4 years.
We. Are. Blessed.
And those words aren't enough.
This is not how we planned to grow our family when we met and got married. This is not how we imagined we would be blessed with a child. This is more than we imagined. It has changed us, changed our hearts forever. For us, we have been blessed by the way God chose for us to grow our family more than if we had been in control and chosen to do it "our way". I've said it time and time again that I am not in control of my life and I am so happy that I am not. If I had been in control of my life, I wouldn't have Tate. I wouldn't have my whole heart, which is what he is.
He is my heart.
The mere thought of him makes my heart physically feel like it could burst. I love him so much it hurts.
I can't believe it's been almost 4 years!
No comments:
Post a Comment