Soaking it up

Today was a crazy day. Tate was a little sweetie all day, he hardly whined at all. This is a rarity lately...he has been acting not like himself for the past week. The lack of whining may be because if he wasn't eating or sleeping (he napped FOREVER), he was right by my side or in the car en route to somewhere that he would end up right in front of me sitting in a cart. He seems to be content as long as he's within arms reach of me...at least these last few days. He's not always been this way.

Well, we went grocery shopping and when we got home, I decided to put him in the living room on the floor with his toys while I unloaded the car and put away the groceries. Me in the kitchen while he was in the living room did not go over well with him at all! I wasn't in his sight, let alone in arms reach! So the screaming began. I had cold items in the car, so I couldn't leave them in the car or even leave them to put away later. I continued while Tate stood by the gate and screamed and screamed and screamed. I started getting irritated because I knew that he was just fine and he just wanted me...that's all. I let him cry and finished what I was doing. He didn't ease up at all. I was thinking, "why can't he just play alone for a few minutes without me? The fact that he always needs me by his side makes everything I do so much more difficult. I hate that I can't put him down and leave a room for a second without him crying!"

When I was done putting the groceries away, I went into the living room and picked Tate up. With tears rolling down his cheeks, he finally stopped crying. I wiped away his tears and his runny nose and sat down on the couch with him. He put his head on my chest and snuggled in close and was calm. I felt guilty. Guilty for ever feeling irritated that this little angel loves me so much that he wants me to always be near and is comforted simply by my presence. Guilty that for even a moment I wouldn't want that. I realized in that moment that I want to soak up this time while I can because it won't be long when he will want me to leave him alone, he will rather be playing ball with Daddy or will push me away when I try to hug and kiss him. I don't ever want that day to come!

I do understand that it is important for him to be able to be away from me. He does fine when I leave him in the childcare at church or leave him in someone else's care, but when he knows I am available, he wants my hugs, my kisses, my lap, my cuddles, my attention and my time. I want to give him all of those things as much as possible before he no longer wants them! I never want to forget the feeling I have when he's snuggled in my arms...it's the best feeling in the world! I love being Tate's Mommy on good days AND bad days...it's a feeling that words cannot describe!