Despite my efforts to keep myself busy, I am finding myself overwhelmed with impatience. I guess it might not be impatience, but anxiety possibly. I have filled every minute in my day doing things to keep my mind off of "the wait". I started to different bible studies (one on patience!) and I have gotten on a roll with my rug, which is looking FABULOUS, and keep plugging along on my blanket as well. You would think that I wouldn't have time to think about "the waiting", but that is WRONG! While doing these things such as the rug and blanket...I am left sitting in silence to think. Thinking is BAD for me right now!!!! All I can do is think..."maybe my profile isn't good enough!" , "is that other couple's online profile better than ours?", "I don't have a diaper bag yet, I need to find one so I have one when we get the baby!", "we don't have a rocker/glider yet, and I will want one right away when we get the baby so we should go get one.", "what if we don't get a baby soon and I run out of projects to keep me busy!", "what if Sean is so busy with school and work that he has trouble finding time to be with us and to bond with the baby!"
And those are just a few of the thousands of thoughts that went through my head just today! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I NEED PRAYERS! I know that a lot of these thoughts are silly, but in the moments when I am thinking them...they don't seem silly at all. I have CONSTANT butterflies in my stomach and can't stop thinking about the adoption. I am not only thinking crazy thoughts...don't get me wrong, I have excitement and happy visions of the future in my head, but I am afraid that all of these thoughts put together are going to drive me to that unbearable impatience that I am desperately trying to avoid. HELP!
On a brighter note...I am going to be with family this weekend and am soooo looking forward to seeing Brigg for his 5th birthday! I can't believe how fast 5 years has gone by!!!! Then, in a couple short weeks, Sean and I are vacationing to Florida with the Knutsons for 11 days! That will be so nice to get away and relax...hopefully I can clear my mind while I am there!
4 comments:
Oh honey... no matter how hard you try, you will be thinking of what's to come, that is just the way it's going to be!! I will pray you realize that no matter how long the wait, it IS going to happen. Your profile is perfect and exactly right for YOUR baby's parent to read!! God knows exactly which baby is going to be yours, He knows best and He will give you the baby He has known all along would be yours...so see, nothing to fret about, trust in the Lord and know He will take care of you and ALL the details. Relax my youngest child, all will work out in good time. :-) We are all waiting right along with you. Love you!!!!
I mentioned in the prior post, YOUR baby's "parent"....maybe it should have said YOUR baby's "birthmother" I may not have all the proper terms just right, I'm new at this.... :-) oops! :-)
I completely agree with your mom! It will happen - you are the perfect parents for YOUR perfect babe! Remember what our first bible study chapter is about - it is His will and trust in Him. I am praying for you too! All of this anxiety and restlessness is normal. I love you!
Jennie, those anxiety flare ups are normal. Don't let it get you down. When did this process begin? Are you at your 9th month? From my own experience, carrying a baby for 10 months, when I would express frustration various people would point out that I should enjoy the ease of parenthood thus far because once it arrives nothing will ever be the same. Of course the change is fabulous, but Sean and your one on one time is about to be altered. Enjoy each day full of the blessings that you have a great partner in this experience, you've taken all the appropriate steps, and this event will arrive at the perfect time. Don't mean to sound "lecture-y". We're all anxious. Relax and delight in this process. Feelings aren't logical but all things aside--YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY!! It's all good.
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