Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Holding myself accountable...I got weighed today.

I need to do this post to hold myself accountable...especially after today.

Remember when I started this lifestyle change of mine?  It was in July...we started eating paleo and then 6 weeks ago, I started a Couch to 5K.  Before this, I was eating TERRIBLE and working out ZERO days per week.  The big things that I was doing differently this time (unlike when I had started dieting/exercising in the past) were I was not doing a "fad" diet. I was just trying to eat clean, not processed foods.  I gave myself cheats on occasion after the first month of being strict.  Also, I tried to be realistic this time.  I was making these changes mostly to FEEL better (eliminate headaches, digestion issues, etc.), but obviously knew that in doing that, I would lose weight which I also wanted to do.  So I threw out the scale.  I decided I would NOT weigh myself...at all.  And I haven't...until today.

I had to get weighed because of an annual health screening through Sean's work for a health insurance discount we can get if we participate.  And as expected, I was disappointed.

"The scale is the devil" ~Cassie Burback

Yes, it is.  It puts thoughts into your mind...

"I'm not doing a good job"
"What is wrong with me?"
"I should give up."
"This hard work isn't worth it"
"I can't do this anymore without better results"

It is the devil...he is getting into my head through the scale.

I lost 14lbs since mid July.  That's it.  Ugh...so disappointing!  That number, it made me forget about the fact that I can run 2 miles straight now, without stopping.  It made me forget that I have gone down 2 pants sizes since then, that I no longer get migraines or have indigestion.  It made me forget that my blood pressure went WAY down and I am clearly a much healthier person.

I have a before and after picture, but honestly, I am too embarrassed to share it!  Plus, it's not my "after" picture.  My after picture will be when I meet my goal...and I don't even know what my goal is.  I will share it someday.  I am still too insecure with myself and how I look.  I am so proud of the progress that I have made, but damnit, I want to like how I LOOK!

So after speaking with several encouraging friends (one of whom actually makes a career out of fitness...thanks Tesi!!!) on the phone and getting some tips, I am going to step it up...start some new things.  I hope to join the Y to assist me in that!  Going to add a little something different in along with my running.  Excited to change it up a bit and hopefully see some more results!

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