Beauty...

I love to blog. I have been so bad at it lately though!  I want to do better, but can't make any promises until after our big move in a few weeks!  Life is crazy and stressful and hectic and wonderful and also not wonderful.  I have hardly taken pictures lately aside from the families I have photographed for the business.  I like to have pictures with my posts.  I may have to get over that and just make time to type instead!

I would venture to say that things in my life are getting better.  I am noticing the beauty in what we are going through much more than I was a short few weeks ago.  We have a long way to go in this family of ours...lots to work through with our kids.  I get stressed, I have a fear of being judged by friends and family for decisions that I am making so I stress about it.  I feel like I am constantly explaining myself and my reasons for doing things.  I need to just get over it.

 

We have incredible support from so many friends and family.  We have people who actually want to spend time with our chaos filled family and who love us despite the fact that we don't have it all together at the moment!  That is a beautiful thing to have such wonderful support.  Truly, this season has been difficult.  We knew it would be, but we had no idea that we would feel so loved by so many.  And then I feel like I am the worst friend ever.  I am constantly having my friends call and offer to take a child for an hour or two while I go run errands or who listen to me vent about countless things or who text me to say hello and see how we're doing only to not get a response from me (Leslie, I am talking about YOU...you must think I am just awful!).  I want to respond instantly to these emails and texts from you all who haven't heard back from me, but I swear I put the phone down to deal with something and then something else comes up and then something else and then before I know it, it's midnight and I can't text back!  It's a vicious cycle.  I haven't mastered being a mommy to 3 yet and sometimes I wonder if I ever will!  I do love it most of the time though.  I really do...moreso in the last couple of weeks as I feel like I've settled into the role a bit more.

I love all of you and appreciate all of you and pray that you know that I do even though I have been terrible at expressing it lately.  Somehow you all are still there for me...it's amazing and humbling.

I still have some pretty crappy days, I am going to be completely honest about that.  However, I am noticing a lot more beauty around me then I was a few weeks ago.  I am stopping and soaking in the good moments, the calm moments, because these days they are often fleeting!  Frequently they are interrupted with a scream or crash or cry or the wiff of a poopy diaper. ;)  No matter what, I love being a mommy to these boys, all 3 of them.  However, it takes a village...and I must say that our village is full of beautiful friends and family who keep us afloat.  Really, if it weren't for you all, we couldn't do this.

As I was unloading all 3 boys from the car today when we got home, I even pulled my camera out and stopped in the chaos of grabbing bags and children to snap the 2 pictures above of our lillies out behind our house.  I can't say I would have done that a few weeks ago...I can't even say I would have noticed their beauty a few weeks ago.  And that my friends is progress!