Happy One Month Birthday, Tate

 
 
  

Tate turned 1 month old today! One month ago today, we had no idea Tate even exhisted! One month ago today, we were hanging out at Chris and Brenda's with Chris, Brenda, Cassie, Brigg and Lani. After the kids went to bed, we hung out and talked and laughed until the wee hours of the night...we had no idea that our son was probably up until the wee hours of the night too. We had no idea the pain that Tate's birthparents were feeling as they flipped through the pages of 3 profile books trying to decide who would raise the son that they brought into this world. We had no idea that our lives had already changed forever and that we were going to find out about it in less than 24 hours. We had no idea that we were a Mommy and Daddy and our son was waiting for us in a hospital only 2 short hours away. We had no idea what was about to happen!

I cannot imagine what Maggie and Brandon were going through exactly 1 month ago today. I will never know that kind of pain or hurt and they will probably never know how indescribably grateful we are for them. Words seem insignificant when trying to express our gratitude to them. As I sit here, one month after our son was born, tears falling, I still feel that same ache in my heart for Maggie and Brandon and I still feel that same joy in my heart for the blessing they gave us. It's so hard to describe what it's like to feel such an amazing excitement and joy and awe while at the same time feeling a hurt so deep that you've never felt before. I had no idea that I would truly, deep down inside hurt for my baby's birthparents the way I do. I always knew that I would feel bad for them and be forever grateful, but until I experienced it happening to me, I had no idea the hurt I would feel for them. I wish there was something more I could do for them. Nothing I could do will ever be enough.

I could have had every mother in this world tell me over and over how having a child would change my life, but until my son was in my arms, I was NEVER going to understand what they meant. Now I get it. It is something that words cannot come close to expressing. It is something that came from a part of my soul that I didn't know was there. It has changed me in every way imagineable...mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically. It's unbelievable! It truly is a miracle! It is the most unbelievable priveladge to be a Mother to Tate. I love every cell in his body. I never knew you could love a finger or a nose or an ear more than anything you've ever loved before, but you can. I also never knew that I could love Sean more than I already did, but I do!

I feel so blessed tonight! I feel like I was born to be an adoptive mother and I am so happy that have been able to live out my dream of being a mother. I feel so blessed to not only love this little man in my life, but also be able to love his birthparents, truly love them. I am so happy that his birthfather, Brandon is wanting to be in Tate's life. Tate is so blessed to have another man in his life that will love him in the same type of way that Sean and I love him. I know his birthmother loves him in that same type of way as well, and maybe someday she will want to see him again and he will be able to witness first hand that love she has for him as well. If not, he will know she loves him so deeply because we will always let him know that.

We cannot believe that a month has gone by already! God has blessed us so much! We are looking forward to the future, but cherishing these times while we have them! Tate has been a dream come true and we couldn't feel more blessed!

We love you, Tate from the depths of our souls and thank God for you every day!