Birthmother's letter

In this process, Sean and I are to write a personal letter to the birthmother. I have been putting this project off, as I didn't know exactly what to write. I wanted to be able to express the emotions deep in my heart, but I didn't know exactly how to put those emotions on paper. I ended up saying just that in the letter when I sat down to write it tonight. I came out and said, "we are struggling with the perfect way to put our emotions onto paper. We decided to just give you the ramblings of our hearts in the hopes that we can portray just what we're feeling." Then I just let my fingers do the work. Through many tears, I composed the letter and was so filled with emotion when it was done that I could barely read it alound to Sean.

I am so amazed at birthmothers! Most of these girls are very young and have much growing up to do, but to choose life for their child when abortion is so accepted these days is unbelievable. I am so grateful for each of these birthmothers that I can't even put it into words. We met several couples today at our meeting at Bethany. Each of them were so different, but all so excited to be parents and all so full of love to give a child and so deserving of a child. In the beginning of this process, I will admit that I have had feelings of competitiveness in the sense that if a birthmother was going to be deciding to choose between us and another couple, I would feel that we could love their child more than anyone else. Today, I was proven wrong, all of these couples would be WONDERFUL parents and if ANY of them would be chosen before us, I can't see myself having any bad feelings at all. I am so excited for each of them to be able to have a child and we are no more deserving of a child than they are. This process has taught me so much that I am today, more than ever, grateful that I will have the honor of being an adoptive parent.

The meaning of being an adoptive parent has changed in my mind so much throughout these past several months. I think I have changed so much as a person and as a Christian in these last months and I owe it all to the Lord for giving me and Sean the opportunity to be adoptive parents. I haven't even adopted a baby yet, and this experience has been the most life changing experience I have ever had. I think Sean would say the same.

In the beginning, I had not a clue what was in store for us and I still don't know. I thought that I wanted a confidential adoption, I thought that I wouldn't want any contact with the birthmother or birthfather, I thought that would be too hard for ME. I thought it would be hard for ME to wait, and that it would be hard for ME not to be able to experience feeling my child inside of ME and I thought it would be hard for ME to not give Sean a child of "his own". I had not a clue that this adoption was not about ME at all!!! It's not about me or Sean or what WE will be going through, it's about the birthmother and her baby that we may have the honor to love and to be the parents of. What we will have to go through is NOTHING compared to the heartache and pain that a birthmother will have to go through. And this child WILL be ours and we WILL have this child together. God will have created this child especially for us and just because it won't be growing inside of me doesn't mean it's any less our child. It will be our child, the child that God made for us, just like he makes children for people who are able to carry them. They are all created by God for us to parent and to love! Our hearts will forever go out to ALL birthmothers out there! Adoption is about the child and what's best for it, not what's best for US. We never want our child to have questions about their birthmother/father that we cannot answer. We want the birthparents to always have the comfort of knowing that their child knows they loved it and that's why they chose life. We don't want our child to some day wonder why they were "given up" and wonder why their parents didn't want them. If keeping our child informed and keeping it's birthparents at peace with their decision to place their child for adoption means we need ongoing contact with the birthparents, we will be happy to do that! I can see nothing wrong with our child being loved by one more person in this world. I never dreamed 5 months ago that I would feel this way. In the beginning we wanted what was going to be easiest for us and cause us the least heartache. How could we even feel that way if we really thought about the heartache that the birthmother of our child would experience in order for us to have such a precious gift! Words cannot express our gratitude for this opportunity we have been given to be adoptive parents! It gives me chills to know that the Lord knows our child and that he always has, he planned this for Sean and I and we are so grateful!

"I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations." Jeremiah 1:5

Just as the Lord "appointed" Jeremiah as his "prophet to the nations", God has a purpose for our child...he already knows what that purpose is and knows who our child is. We are so looking forward to taking this journey which will lead us to the day that we get to meet our child that God created just for us!